From the category archives:

Jill's Tips

Jill’s Top Ten IEP Tips

by Jill Castle on January 10, 2009

  1. Preparation is a must! If it’s a MET meeting, you need the evaluation to review. Request to meet with the psych beforehand if need be. Don’t try to do the IEP in the same meeting as the MET; it’s too much. Ask to see the goals and a draft beforehand so you aren’t rushed to read through it on the spot.
  2. Make a wish list. Don’t go in with too many little things, it will distract everyone and tie up too much time on small points. Go in with your big list of 5. Don’t get sidetracked. Stick to the points.
  3. Look ahead. If there is a possible conflicting view on services or placement and you think there will be opposition, do your research. Find studies or research to back your views as well as data on your own child that proves your point. This can include home video, work samples from home or anything you think may convey your viewpoint.
  4. Bring treats. Yes, bring treats. Whether you agree with everyone or think they are doing a good job, most likely people are trying very hard and want what’s best for your child. By bringing something, you set the tone for a friendly meeting and show some gratitude for their work (or the work they will be doing!)
  5. Include your child. Depending on age or severity of disability, the child should somehow be included. If they are young or content is inappropriate they can come in the beginning and say hi. Have them bake cookies for the meeting or take video to show that includes an interview. Put a picture in the middle of the table everyone can all remember that it’s the child and what they need- not individual positions.
  6. Regroup when needed. Bring something to sip on when you’re getting upset and need to pause. Leave the room to regain composure if you are getting really upset to gain some clarity. It’s better than saying something harmful. The team will wait.
  7. Take your time. You are only signing that you are in attendance. This is a working document. Hopefully, your relationship and participation will continue throughout the year. This document can be amended or tweaked at any time.
  8. Make sure the “present level” is accurate. The present level in the IEP is the picture of where your child currently is. This drives the goals, which drives the services and placement. If you feel the picture that is being painted isn’t correct, explain why. Remember you don’t see your child at school and they don’t see them at your home. This is a time for both parties to get the whole picture of the child. You can include your own statement of the present level in the IEP. Definitely do this if there is a disagreement.
  9. Learn the process. The more you know about the process, the more relaxed you will be. You will know what you can and can not do. You will know your rights and won’t feel so intimidated. You will be respected as an equal member of the team, not just an emotional parent.
  10. Breathe and BE NICE. Honey catches more flies. Have confidence that you are the expert in your child and the team needs your help. And you need theirs. Your job is to help the team pull together all the parts. The experts all focus on their own specific area. You know the whole child, the big picture and where you think they can go. You don’t need to learn every little detail of every area of expertise in order to be effective. You just need to make sure everyone is one the same page so everyone can be successful.

Send thank you cards after and don’t disappear until next year. This is an ongoing process that needs work along the way. If you cultivate the team the whole year, the meeting will just be a formality and won’t be so scary.

{ 0 comments }

Social Skills Tips

by Jill Castle on January 5, 2009

Often times, we as parents and educators spend the majority of our time working on either academics or compliant behavior with our special need children. However, if you ask any parent what they want most for their child, they will say for them to be happy. And if you ever catch a parent crying, it seems it’s usually because someone hurt their child or their kiddo just doesn’t fit in. Let’s face it, social skills may not really get the attention it deserves.

 

If you think about it, every aspect of our life requires social skills to be successful and most all of our children, no matter what the disability, seem to struggle. Every environment we are in is a social situation. There are often ways to compensate if our child has physical or academics challenges. However there really is no accommodation that can be made if your child can’t effectively relate to others. Simply put, there is no way around it.

 

I think as parents we feel that if the child is mainstreamed and given opportunities to learn social skills, they will. This is not true. If our kiddos could pick up social cues and skills, they would have learned from us or their typical siblings a long time ago. They need to be taught.

 

There are many reasons for social inappropriate behaviors and un-acceptance. Some of those reasons are obvious handicaps that create a distance of understanding. Often times, those challenges can be helped with disability awareness and creative solutions within the school. However, some of our children have social deficits which are a part of their disability which aren’t so straightforward.

 

Many of our children don’t have command of the question. Asking questions is the primary ice breaker in any given social situation. It is the way we gather special information and many of our kids can’t do it. Everything comes out as a statement which gives no room for an exchange to develop. Also, many of our children lack the appropriately developed inhibitor responses and everything they think, comes out of their mouth. Not helpful in keeping friends……. can you imagine if we did that? Blurting out inappropriate thoughts as well as common impulsivity issues can create quite the social path of destruction.

 

So what do we do? We hardly need more information about what’s wrong with our kiddos. We need to empower them. We need to empower us. If a child makes a mistake in their math or reading problem, teachers and parents are happy to explain what they did wrong. However, often times when our children make a social mistake, we punish them. We need to use this as an opportunity to take apart the situation apart and teach them the appropriate behavior. Since most children really want to be socially accepted, for the most part we can assume those mistakes they make are due to a lack of knowing the correct action or response. So maybe we begin by using these opportunities as a teaching moment.

 

In a study by Fox & Weaver, 1989 children were divided into four groups: the rejected, the ignored, the controversial and the popular. In the past, psychologists and educators looked at what the children in the socially isolated groups were doing wrong. However, if you want to be successful, why would you look to the unsuccessful for clues? Wouldn’t it make more sense to study success?

 

The study found the “popular” kids were the ones who everyone on the campus or in the neighborhood liked, even if they didn’t know them. They looked at the positive traits and found some characteristics they all had in common. So what if we taught our kids these skills?

 

  • Popular kids were always smiling and laughing
  • They always greeted others
  • They extended invitations
  • They shared
  • They knew how to give compliments and gave them regularly
  • They knew how to converse back and forth
  • They looked physically appealing

Another challenge, according to educator Rick Lavoie, is discovering and understanding “hidden curriculum”. Every school has an underlying “code” of what’s cool and what’s not as well as certain rules and guidelines that everyone else seems to “get”. Our kiddos may need these unwritten rules explained. The parents and staff should work together to make sure these are taught and are a part of every IEP discussion. For more information and examples see Rick Lavoie’s DVD Last One Picked, First One Picked On.

 

There are many resources out there to help us.

 

Big Brothers & Sisters

http://www.bbbsaz.org

 

The Buddy Program

 

 

RDI (Relationship Development Intervention)

http://www.rdiconnect.com

 

Friend Program

 

Rick Lavoie articles and Videos

http://www.ricklavoie.com

 

{ 0 comments }

Jill’s Tips for starting a new school year…

by Jill Castle on August 8, 2008

The first day of school can scare the most confident students and parents of all time, let alone our kiddos that have extra needs. Here’s some tips that may help:

  • Make a one sheet (ONE sheet) with a picture of your child and a letter written about their strengths and challenges simply put. This is meant to be an overview, not a novel. Keep in mind your child’s teachers have several students to learn and all the children are important. Because my son is still young, I put it in his voice to make it charming. I outline the things my son can do well that no one would expect, things that make him light up. I also highlight things he needs such as directions broken down, etc. I do this in a positive manner such as we are all good at some things and challenged at others. Now here’s the real trick….I attached a SMALL brochure regarding his disability and a Starbucks card. I figure if I am requiring them to read, let them have a cup of coffee.
  • Make 10 copies and buy 10 Starbucks cards (Barnes & Noble etc)… I give them to everyone. Main teachers, PE, Art Music, Bus driver, lunch room mom, nurse, etc
  • I take gifts for the key players such as main teachers, aides and special ed teachers and make sure they have my email and know I’m always available and open to discuss their concerns.
  • I sign up to volunteer somehow. I realize some of us work (not to mention the extra jobs with our families we all have) however, it is much easier to ask for help when you have already been there with your sleeves rolled up. Whatever you can do..do it.
  • I always do an age appropriate presentation of my son’s disability to the class. When he was younger, I did it myself. Now he wants to be part of it. I know this is tough but I promise you, it makes all the difference. Kids are great once they have an explanation they can live with. Trust me… they are mostly great when given the information.
  • I role play with my son and go through the new situations he will be facing. You can always visit campus the week before it’s open to make your child comfortable.
  • Look into cool buddies if needed. You can look to the older grades and get the honor students to volunteer for tough times of the day depending on the schedule and IEP.
  • Always remember you can call an IEP meeting whenever you need one. I always wait to iron out as much as I can personally and then call one when things settle down in late September so we can all be on the same page.
  • Approaching everyone who helps your child as part of the collaborative team may be extra work for you, but let’s face it….isn’t the fact that our kiddos get what they need the end goal? We can do this!

Please feel free to email me with your own creative tips and suggestions. You may also email me if you need further explanation or examples on any of these ideas.

Jill Anne Castle
Jill@connectourkids.com

{ 0 comments }